A year or so, I wrote a brief snippet about C.S. Lewis’s sentiments on truly loving others in his book “The Four Loves”
Every once in a while I get comments on this article and I saw one that really bothered me . . . it was sort of a call for help and I felt very sad for this person.
Here’s what they had to say:
“As someone who has had their heart broken 8 times trying to find love, the most recent just today, I have to say that C.S. Lewis was wrong.
He seems to forget that losing love, that pain… IS HELL!! So, basically I am damned either way. At least I won’t have to go through the rejection any more.
Let my heart shrivel and die, let me not feel a thing. I would rather be numb than in pain, better callous than cursed.”
Well . . . Crap. That sucks.
So here are my thoughts . . . you are not alone.
Never give up! Ever!
This is a sad and selfish hole we all fall into . . . and getting out of it is the trick.
The hardest thing to do is love like you have never been hurt before.
Especially after getting your heart ripped out and stomped on and having every piece of trust you have shredded like wood chips and burned up in to nothing.
Ya, this is a good place to give up and die . . . it’s really crappy and if it hasn’t already to you, don’t worry . . . IT IS GOING TO HAPPEN TO ALL OF US!
If you keep finding that you get hurt over and over again, stop searching and take time to heal.
If you keep swinging from one person to the next you aren’t looking for love, but more of a fix to feel something.
You’re not “cursed” but if this pattern repeats itself, you should look into yourself and see how you might be affecting the outcome.
I know of a great girl who is a good example of self-sabotaging her relationships because she’s always in fear of the person she is in love with leaving her. She doesn’t see this, but her fear has pushed away some great guys . . . has she found somebody yet? No.
Does she see where she makes her mistakes? No.
She finds every fault outside of herself to blame, but her.
I know from past experiences, that I am not much better at this and I’ve committed to learn my way out of this.
What I have learned over the years, is the only thing that you can change is yourself and the way that you handle situations.
Faith is important . . . learning to have it again is tough, but it’s necessary.
It takes a lot of faith to love someone . . . more than you think you could ever have. By loving someone deeply through all that comes, we learn how to love others better and how to become better people.
Yes, and having faith means being scared and letting go.
What I have learned so far is “Hang in there.”
It’s more than a cliche or some thoughtless advice that a person tosses your way instead of listening . . . it’s actually a way of life.
I’ve also learned that self pity will take me no where.
My best advice to everyone is: If you love anything or anyone, don’t ever ever ever ever ever give up. . . all things that are of great value don’t come easy and they are hard to find.
This is what makes them special.
I’ve felt the feelings this person is expressing and it’s hard to believe now, but I’ve found that they are a myth . . . a hoax . . . and not real.
They come from you asking, “what does this person give to me?”, but not from “what can I do to help this person?”
The only thing we can do, is choose to love better . . . if you need help, I’ve found that Corinthians 13 does a good job of giving the template of true love.
The great truth we all should learn is this: Loneliness is the illusion we are tricked into feeling when we stop thinking of others and only of ourselves . . . it’s a disease and we can fight it the moment we chose to put others before us.
If you don’t believe me . . . try it . . . don’t talk about it . . . help others and find connection and never ever give up.
You’ll find that if you keep working on “you” instead of hunting down new people, you’re going to find someone wonderful who love’s “you” just as much as you do.
Last thought . . . how can you love others as you love yourself if you don’t even love yourself yet?
Do something right now to better your life . . . start with something small. Wash the dishes, clean your house, go to the gym. . . . now find something you can look forward to at the end of the day that isn’t another person. . . make a list of what you are grateful for . . . love who you are and never forget it!
Get it? 🙂